On today’s episode of the She Makes Biz Talk Podcast I would like to talk about human needs, do we know our own needs? are our needs being met? and how if they are or if they aren’t, that can affect our overall life, our overall happiness, that overall inner balance that we seek.
As you all know, I am a Mental Health and Wellbeing Coach, I help people who have been through mental ill-health or periods of stress, overwhelm, depression etc and we make a forward focused plan to let go of the past, embrace the present, and plan a confident future. I help people with things like confidence, happiness, self belief, self worth to generally live a happier and more content life.
So with that in mind, one of the things that I really like to dig deep in sessions are our needs, so what do I mean by this? Well, we all have basic needs, we all need to be loved, we all need oxygen, we all need compassion. There are lots of things that we need to survive as humans.
One of the things that I hear a lot, especially from people who have maybe suffered from depression, or have felt overwhelmed with their life is that they have everything in life that they want, but actually, at the back of their mind, there’s something missing. And they often come to me and say things like “I should be happy” and “I should be the happiest person in the world. What’s wrong with me?” So what we do is look at their needs and we break it down, and it becomes apparent where this unhappiness lies.
Recently I worked with a lovely lady, who doesn’t mind me sharing this. She was not happy with her business. She was not happy in her overall life. Even though she was living the life that she had worked hard to build. She had everything that she always wanted but something felt off, not quite right. Her husband adored her and gave her everything and she had the children she adored and had always wanted, but something that wasn’t quite right. And actually, when we dug deep it was the fact that this it was her self esteem, this feeling of not being worthy, this feeling of lack of attention almost.
We spent some time on this and actually, we realised that although her husband adored her and worshiped her, the attention wasn’t there, she wasn’t getting the attention she needed from him and the feeling of connection wasn’t there.
The end result was that we came up with ways to make her focus on herself to meet her own needs. You see, she was looking for that self esteem from an external force which is what the attention she was seeking would fulfil, almost like she wanted someone else to make her feel worthy.
Looking into that, we came up with a few tools she could use to meet that need of hers herself from an internal source, pretty much “filling that whole herself”.
One way I can think to explain this is; if you’ve got a hole in your pyramid of needs, and you’re trying to fill it from someone else, an external source, it’s almost like filling a hole in a wall with a marshmallow. It will do the job but that’s not what it was made for, that marshmallow wasn’t meant to fill that hole and over time, there’s gonna be problems, it’s gonna break down and it could cause bigger issues.
When you learn to fill your hierarchy of needs. When everything in that pyramid is coming from within you, there is no Marshmallow, there’s only polyfilla (other brands are available). And that’s exactly what it was meant to do. That filler was meant to do the job of filling that hole so there’s no further problems, the filler is not going to get runny and leak and leave you with a bigger hole.
We need to learn what our needs are, what’s the most important to us and we need to learn how to repair the holes correctly in a way that they are going to last forever and bring us this self worth and this self happiness that we all need to live a happy and contented life.
I hope you’ve enjoyed that. And I really hope it’s given you something to think about. You can, of course, check me out on any of my social media channels I’m @shemakesBizTalk or drop me an email from the show notes. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode, and to connect with you after the show. Until next Tuesday, guys, thanks for listening. Stay safe.